All-Star
Pitcher Leaving Quack City
Clemens
Promises Wide Scale Beatings
By: Steve
Richards
Was it just a few months ago
we were giving him a ticker tape parade down Main Street? Was is just a few months
ago we were rooting for him in the World Series? Was is just a few months ago
he announced his retirement in the city where he made his career?
Was
it?
Clemens prepares to dish out some "Louisville"
syle respect. |
Because
now it seems so very far away. After taking the Quack City Fowlers to 4 World
Series, pitching great Roger Clemens says he'll be leaving to hurl for Houston.
"It's
great. I'll be going back to my hometown, spending time with old friends, going
to my son's baseball games." said Clemens just days after his announcement.
"So if you don't like it, come to my house and say so. I'm
not moving for another two months. Bring It."
That
statement was in response to the thousands of letters and e-mails Clemens has
received in the few days since his announcement.
"For
those of you too cowardly to come down here and tell me what you think, I'll just
come to you. First, I'll start with all the inbreds who were stupid enough to
put their return address on their hate mail. Like Bill Mitchell of 489 Pine Grove
Terrace....Leave a light on for me, Billy" Clemens hissed. "Then, I'll use my
millions to pay enough hackers to find out the name and address of every single
person who e-mailed me."
"You Got Pain!" Clemens
bellowed, mocking the famous AOL greeting.
Clemens
promised to continue his quest until all the beatings are complete, even if it
means delaying his debut in his new town.
"This
article better not make me look like a jerk, or I'm coming for you next, Stevie."
Clemens added.
